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and time and time and time

teach us to care and not to care. teach us to sit still.-t.s.eliot/ash wednesday
I've decided that it maybe best to let you know the truth about making large sweeping moves when you're close to middle age and creative and semi-always unfocused. it's tres dificile. I've applied, yes, applied for jobs as a host, waiter, floral designer, hotel desk attendant, hmm, what else? doesn't matter. what matters is the process which it is my intention to keep you abreast. 
thankfully the one commitment i made to myself before leaving Chicago i am following through on, and that's a  yoga certification to teach. i had started about a year ago but due to my divorce, working full-time and taking improv classes i felt overwhelmed financially and time-wise. the classes were either every Saturday or Sunday, or sometime both for nine months and usually 4-6 hrs each time. and i wasn't sure if i was 'teacher' material as I've taken yoga classes on and off for the last 12 years but never made it a practice per se. when you see some of the material with photos of 'real' yogis all twisted up, legs wrapped around the neck, well, one wonders, "is this for me?" i may have been that flexible even 4-5 years ago, but today I'm as brittle as a dry branch and cannot do the basic lotus position. i was born backwards baby, and have sat with my legs in an 'm-shaped' bend behind me rather than the common crossed-legged or 'Indian' style. it is not helped by the fact that when i broke my left foot 15 years ago it never healed properly and the bone on the hard wood floor, ouch.  when i attempt the lotus position, no matter which side i try, it doesn't work. anyway, I'm doing it because i think i have something to offer to a special group of people, cranky old folks like me and beginners. now the thing I've noticed about many of the yoga classes I've taken is the assumption that those partaking 'know' what to do and i find that many of us do not, or more accurately, do not properly know and that's where i want to fill the gap, to be the 'informer' or trainer who helps each person get the basic positions right in order to build a solid foundation on which to build. 
and besides that i just want to write and pay bills so i can move towards another dream of owning a wine/cafe with aback garden patio. 
 i need to quietly slow down  because the one recurring theme  is my madness creating friction in the world....and it's all so unnerving.
later.

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